Crushes and Obsessions
by Darkkissh
Summary: He couldn't help but want him even if it meant fighting his brother...
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia. The plot is the only thing I own.

There SHOULD NOT be typos or grammar mistakes.. But who knows, well he doesn't. If there are typos feel free to bash your head on to the keyboard, that should be in front of you or near you and then after it's broken go get a new one or use the nearest wall. If there are grammar mistakes leave Matthew alone don't walk him over, when you tell people that you didn't, it means that you didn't see him and thought that you walked through air.

**Crushes**

A dark night, rainy, and cold weather.

Memories of a fierce battle, battle of high value to both participants, battle of ownership.

Clouds confining the light from the mostly hidden moon.

Beautiful? Certainly.

The victor? Claiming what now belonged to him.

The loser? Beaten, bloody and weakened.

Their surroundings? The same as they had been for hundreds of years, not changing but seeing all that has ever happened there.

Carrying a beaten body to his room he sighed, it had been a long night but he had won. It had been worth the precautions, thinking, planning, acting, all of the things he had done to accomplish this, maybe to some other not all that spectacular, victory.

While thinking of all the things he could now obtain, take control of, he laid the unconscious body of Arthur Kirkland, or as some people knew him England, onto a bed, his bed. He couldn't see any movement but knew that the other wasn't dead, their kind didn't die from something minor like this, and there was a pulse.

To make it simple the battle had been tough, he could hardly stand, his breath ragged and expression strained. Arthur's healing could take weeks.

He looked at the pale complexion of the stubborn man, who looked more like a teen than a man, and decided that he needed to be bathed. Later he would get someone to bring clothes for him he walked over to the clothe basket meant for dirty clothes and started to undress himself so that he could take a very much needed shower. Just as he had thrown his white top to the basket and started to take off his boots, leaving his pants still on, the door burst open, very loudly might he add. He didn't need to look to know who it was. "Hey bruder?" Ludwig didn't answer, he was too tired to do so. His older brother only licked his lips, while staring at Arthur. "How did you get him?" "Could you not bother me now… Please?" he added the last part as an after thought, even when he knew that his brother wouldn't get the hidden message on purpose. "So you have a crush on him too? Too bad…" Gilbert chuckled darkly while closing in on Ludwig, who on the other hand was looking worriedly at the slightly shifting Briton. He didn't watch him for long though as he soon found himself face to face with Gilbert, who was pinning him down to a sofa that was behind the bed and in front of the window. Gilbert was proceeding to ravish his chest while giving him orders and warning in their own language, everyday orders consisting of getting ice cream and other food supplies. The next sentence, however, was different. It was disguised into a question but Ludwig knew better than to believe the fake sweet words; "Lets do him together, ja?" after those five words his brother stopped kissing his chest, lifted his eyes to look into Ludwig's blue ones and the lazy smirk from earlier was replaced with a dark look that dared anybody to disobey. He knew from the start that this would happen, that no matter how much he wanted Arthur as long as his brother was around he wasn't going own him, he would only look from afar as he would be broken by his brother, not him but his brother. This vexed him but he still nodded to his brother, he still owed him, he was after all at fault for Gilbert losing his nation, so he had to make it up to him by any means possible.


	2. Chapter 2

If you wish to see the disclaimer go back to the first chapter it should be there, I can't remember. Stuff happened and submitting this chapter got delayed. I think that I might make this fic longer after all...

* * *

There he lay.

Sleeping away the nightmares.

Sleeping through pain and confusion.

Sleeping when he should be awake.

Sleeping when he was at the point of a breakdown.

He only wanted to see his gaze.

He only wanted to break him.

He should only gaze at him.

Only he was worthy of him.

One could say that he was fairing well… Well, as well as any could in his situation. All his wounds had healed but he still hadn't woken up, he should have. A week had passed. During that time Ludwig had slept next to nothing.

He was always watching Arthur in case he were to wake up. He needed to see those sparkly green eyes of his, wanted to feel that indomitable gaze boring into him. Watching him to make sure that he wouldn't leave, well not that he could anyway but he had to make sure. He just couldn't get himself up and leave the room for more than what was absolutely necessary. He wanted Arthur to be okay but why? Why did it matter to him If he was okay or not, he was going to brake him anyway. Still he had this inexplicable feeling that made him want Arthur to be okay, that something also made Ludwig horrified; after these thoughts a vivid scenario would always appear to haunt his thoughts. A scenario he believed to be impossible. In the scenario Arthur would not open his eyes again. That notion –maybe it was a vision of sorts– made something inside him ache. What was that feeling? He wanted to know, who would know of this feeling? Well even if there was somebody who knew he doubted that they would help him, even if he were to die. Maybe he could get a book about feelings from somewhere?

Putting the feeling aside he thought about things that he was quite thankful for and at the top of his list was Gilbert, he hadn't bothered him at all after the first night. Thinking back he noticed that Gilbert had been acting strangely that night, like he was scared. Then it struck him, he must have been troubled and a little impetuous, hell even though Ludwig might never admit it he would have been too if his only beloved brother would bring home an enemy. And not just any enemy, an enemy that was potentially dangerous even if he was mostly against killing now. It had probably made no sense to Gilbert at all, making him doubt things he believed in maybe he thought that Ludwig would abandon him. Even the time Ludwig had used to plan everything was abnormally long for the darker blond, seeing as he normally would have similar plan for someone other ready in a few hours. The planning had taken almost two weeks, going trough the schemes trying to find faults and then rethinking a plan after plan, deeming every other too risky or full of holes. Gilbert might only have been scared that he would be forgotten; almost all of the other countries ignored him, and the ones that he was in terms with were always busy. And after the weeks he had ignored Gilbert, he left to battle Arthur leaving no message, nothing. And after getting back, bringing his new obsession with him, he continued ignoring him and spending all the time he had with Arthur, never leaving his side not even going down to eat with his brother. He even did all the paperwork in Arthur's new room.

Ludwig thought about how his brother must have been feeling and how he still probably felt; betrayed and alone. Up until now Ludwig had thought that he had only been pissed at him but after these previous musings he somehow had, he believed that he understood his brother's behaviour better.

Ludwig fetched a bowl full of fruits and placed it on the nightstand, in case Arthur woke up and felt hungry. After double-checking that the door was locked he left. He had to find his brother and fast.


	3. Chapter 3

Okay so I can forget things easily and it just now,about three weeks ago(before I uploaded the second chapter), occurred to me that I had forgotten to thank the people who reviewed... So thank you for the people who reviewed and to other people who maybe read the earlier chapters.

The disclaimer should be somewhere.

* * *

He came to me.

I practically saw red.

Anger must be what I'm feeling but mine can be compared to rage.

"Are you too going to leave me?" I admit I was furious; I had a reason for it. Ignoring me for a week, it might not be that long but given the circumstances it had a deeper meaning to it than some other week of my awesomely dull life. And now after I had already given up he comes to me with words of apology on his tongue. "NO!" A few flimsy words wouldn't quell this feeling of agony. "Nein" I repeated it over and over again. I could already imagine him turning his back and leaving me.

He shouted my name. I snapped my out of my world after hearing something smashing against a wall. Had I just thrown a vase at my little brother? What the hell has become of me? What kind of brother would try to kill their siblings? I was shocked of my own actions. I looked around the kitchen, it was a mess, broken glass and china lay all over the floor and in my hands was a knife, where had I gotten it? No idea. I hastily threw the knife away, making it slide along the floor a few meters away from me. The sound of it echoed in the room or did I only hear it inside of my head? I was aware of the silence surrounding us before my gaze shifted from the discarded knife to Ludwig. Thankfully my rampage didn't harm him. I couldn't believe what I had done. My knees buckled from under me and I probably deserved the pain that ensued from the cuts the shards made on to my feet. I wasn't me anymore. This wasn't the awesome person I wanted to be. I wonder when I had lost that grip of myself that I once had. When was it? When had I turned into this thing I was now?

Tears slid down my face, I cried. "I'm sorry" I said it again and again, screaming it till the words ate the last bits of my voice and even after that I continued thinking it, hoping that he would believe me, hoping that he would forgive me, even if it would hurt more than him hating me. I tried to get up but every time more of my strength seemed to vanish and I was trembling after the sixth try. I gripped the ground hard, my hands balling into fists, embedding the shards into my palms making my hands bleed along with my feet, I almost couldn't feel the pain that surely was there. It should have been many times stronger than this throbbing I felt inside. Why didn't it drown out this horrible feeling?

Something warm and gentle wrapped around me holding me tightly, they were arms, Ludwig's arms, he was hugging me. Why? I cried more, my eyes now fully red. How was he able to hug me after what I did after what all I had done. It wasn't fair, why didn't he hate me? "_Why?"_ my voice was hoarse, barely above a whisper. "_Why don't you hate me?"_ He didn't answer right away only tightened his hold. " Why should I? You're my brother" and everything clicked together, why he never denied anything I did why he allowed me to do everything I wished, it all came together…

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Hmm.. I must say that I don't actually have time to write this anymore (blame the extra schoolwork I get from trying to get through vocational school and upper secondary school at the same time)... Why did I even start then? Well anyways if someone wants to adopt this fic, message me.


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